“She is wonderful with children, responsible, reliable, quick-thinking, creative, respectful, enthusiastic”

My old volunteer job boss wrote a letter to all the families and told them I was looking for a job for this summer. She did it just because I mentioned I was looking to a job and wrote all these wonderful things about me. She’s the best. I need to remember that this can be how people see me and I really could be good at being a teacher. In my teaching class our best teaching qualities were exactly these things, enthusiastic, respectful, creative etc. 

Just things to remember and think about

I can do this is if it is what I want to do

And I can be really damn good at it too.

and I’m sitting feeling sad without you

last night I had a dream that you fell out of love with me 

and then I didn’t know it 

and I came to visit you 

and you just turned me away 

and said I didn’t mean anything anymore 

And that you didn’t want me to mean anything ever again 

and it just crushed my insides all up. 

I know it’s selfish but I don’t ever want you to fall out of love with me. 

What i’m having trouble understanding is this; how can you be so content loving me when you’re so far away? its too hard for me. What does that say about this thing you feel for me? What does it say about you? What does this say about what I feel for you? and what on earth does this say about me. 

I’m hopeless.

but I’m pretty damn sure it’s about us.

So we’re trying this whole “talking less” thing 

and I know when we started I wanted you to be in control, and in some ways I still do because I don’t know the rules. I don’t know when it’s okay to talk to you and when it’s not. But that being said, it’s not fair if we’re going to be friends and I don’t tell you anything about what’s going on in my life 

I don’t know how to do this, I don’t have regular friends from back home. 

But it is strange that you don’t know I’m going to Arizona, that I started working, that I might have a summer job, that I went to Mount Baker, that my classes have been killing me, that they’re even more difficult because I can’t stop thinking about you, that I’ve been having boy problems aside from just you.

It’s just strange. But I’m not sure what’s allowed, you’ve told me about your future plans and you’ve talked to me about things you’re questioning and about girls in your life. Am I allowed to do that? Am I allowed to ask you? 

I’ve got five papers to write before tomorrow. It’s a struggle because I can’t concentrate. I can only think about you, and how you’re not here, and how I don’t know where I wish you were anymore. 

ajanii2:

- My dad told me this when I was super little, and to this day the rain has never bothered my sleep.

urhajos:

‘The Spherical Bear’ by Marc Johns

you’re still caught somewhere between the plans and the dreams